You Know You're A Mother When...

Photo from a greeting card I found at the store forever ago.  Still pretty much my favorite picture ever...

In honor of Mother's Day, I thought I'd come up with a list of all the things I never, ever thought I'd hear myself say and do...until I gave birth to my children.  Enjoy :D

You know you're a mother when:

1.) you find yourself yelling "Get that cheesestick out from between your toes!"

 2.) you find yourself saying "Get your hands out of your pants!" ad infinitum...

3.) you pull 3 whole rolls of toilet paper out of the toilet - and you're not surprised in the slightest.  Angry?  Yes.  Surprised?  No.

4.) you dread the discovery of a writing utensil by your children, because it means that there will be new "artwork" on the walls...and the floor...and the furniture...and themselves.

5.) you walk out of the house without a bra and no makeup and don't even realize you're doing it because you've spent the last 20 minutes just trying to get the kids ready to walk out the door.

6.) you have no idea what that is in your hair.

7.) You have no idea where that smell is coming from, but you're pretty sure you're not going to like what you find.

8.) silence means trouble.

Why yes, that IS Desitin in her hair...and all over everything else.  Consequently, for a tip on how to get it out of hair, read this post.

9.) you find bits of something broken on the floor and can't for the life of you figure out what it came from - until you find said broken object and it makes you want to rip your hair out because it turns out it's the brand new toy your child just got for their birthday.

10.) it feels like a vacation not to have to haul all four children to the car just to drop one off at school.

11.) you feel like a fugitive on the run when you leave the house by yourself.

12.) using the bathroom becomes a spectator sport.

13.) your butt gets exposed to the entire church because your 3 year old wants to hide under your skirt.

14.) disgusting poop doesn't make you gag instantly anymore.

15.) you'll pick your kids' boogers with your thumbnail without thinking twice about it.

16.) you are completely unfazed by screaming and temper tantrums that are unaccompanied by blood or protruding bones.

17.) you wake up in the middle of the night with a foot in your face and a head resting on your butt.

18.) you are so sleep deprived, you pour your coffee creamer into the trash can instead of your coffee.

19.) you realize if you hear one more "I want" or "But, MOM!!!", you might legitimately lose your mind.

and finally....

20.) You know you're a mother when...in spite of everything else listed, you'd still jump in front of a bus or straight up punch someone in the face if your child was threatened.

To all you lovely ladies investing all of yourselves into the future, one diaper change and peanut butter sandwich at a time, I salute you :D  Happy Mother's Day!