Things NEVER to say (or do) to a Postpartum woman

Photo from this website

So, I have a house full of sick kids, and the baby is sleeping.  I should be doing all kinds of projects, but honestly, I'm afraid to start something that I can't quickly run away from - hence me writing a blog post ;P

I've been sitting on this one for quite some time, as most of my energies have been focused on kids and fixing up our new home.  If you've been following my blog for a while, you might remember this post about things never to say or do to a pregnant woman.  After talking with my friends and hearing about (and experiencing some of my own) horror stories, I thought I'd share a list of helpful hints on what NEVER to say (or do) to a postpartum woman.  Enjoy :D

1.) First, the most obvious.  Never, EVER ask a postpartum woman if she is pregnant again.  This goes along the same thread of never even remotely THINKING of asking a woman if she's pregnant unless it's ridiculously obvious, and even THEN don't ask because it could be a weird tumor or something.  Just. Don't. Go. There.   Ask a friend or someone else who would know and go from there.  Of course, then that friend might share your inquiry with the one you wanted to avoid insulting, but if she's a really good friend, she'll know better.  I was asked this once and just looked at the person and said "Nope, still just fat from the last one!  But thanks :D"

2.) Other questions not to ask: "When are you due?"  "Are you having a boy or girl?"  These are all just backhanded ways of saying she still looks pregnant.  Not. Cool.

3.)  Be very careful what you say about her looks.  Things like "I never would have guessed you'd just had a baby!!" can make her feel amazing, while other statements like "Phew, I was afraid you'd lose your looks!" are not really compliments at all.  Statements such as one of my friends received - "Wow, that baby's really done a number on you!" - are downright no-no's, Daffy.  (Sorry for the really random old-school fire safety reference - at least my sister will get it ;P)

4.) "If the baby's out here, what's still in there?" - Can we just say "OUCH"?!?  Seriously, keep yourself from getting a black eye or fat lip and steer as far clear of this one as you can.

5.) "I thought you had your baby already!" - had someone say this to me about 2 weeks after my second.  As I was holding my baby.  She obviously wasn't paying attention.  That or she really, REALLY wanted to hurt me (which I don't think was the case), but still.  Don't.  Just don't.

6.) Don't - I repeat, DON'T - rub her belly.  If someone had done this to me, which fortunately they didn't, I would have been very tempted to say "Thanks for rubbing my lunch.  It helps it digest faster."

7.) This last one is for those of you in sales - especially children's' clothing stores.  "I assume you're having a (boy/girl), because of the baby clothes you're buying."  Me: "Um, no, I had him a few weeks ago.  Sorry to confuse you by not having him with me at all times.  Because heaven forbid I try to get a break for 2 seconds."  A friend of mine even had a sales attendant go so far as to say "Well, you really should have your baby with you."  SERIOUSLY?!?  The nerve!  Just own up to the fact that you stuck your big foot in your big mouth and say you're sorry.  DO NOT pass the blame back on to her for your bad word choices.

Have any of you had something like this happen?  I'd love to hear about it!